Like many French-Canadian women of my generation, I was raised to cook, clean and maintain a home in fully functional order. Over the years, I’ve shared many amusing conversations with friends on how demanding our mothers were about making a bed with hospital corners, or cleaning a toilet until the bowl glowed, as in the Mr. Clean iconic commercials of the 60s. And, there was no going out anywhere until our chores were completed to perfection.
As I was growing up, it became clear that my parents had no plans to send me to university. Their vision was that I would finish high school, get married, and live happily ever after in servitude. Of course, that’s not how my life worked out, but what stuck, were the perfectionist tendencies I developed from a very young age. If my husband and I decided to sell our home, I’m pretty sure there would be no need to declutter or clean before contacting a realtor for a first visit. Since we don’t plan on moving again, I guess we will never know if there’s any truth to my theory.
I suppose there is nothing wrong with being house-proud. People who have been to our home are frequently complimentary about its clutter-free, and relaxing atmosphere, so maybe the lessons I learned from my mother about cleanliness, and home organization, have had the desired effect.
Clutterbug types
I’m no expert on the psychological reasons for the inordinate accumulation of random stuff, but I think clutterbugs fall into two distinct categories. The first, is for those who have a strong emotional attachment to things. These individuals might prefer to hang on to every single item purchased throughout their lives, or heirlooms they might have inherited from family and friends.
In some cases, lovers of all things can overcrowd their homes with furniture they don’t need so as not to offend the donors. Excessive shopping to replace items lost in the piles of clutter is another situation that can spiral into a huge burden. More importantly, if measures are not taken to prevent the hoarding from becoming extreme, it can lead to depression and isolation, and it can also make a home unsafe to live in.
The second category, in my opinion, is for those who are not bothered, or embarrassed by their clutter. Their home and work life may be too busy to stay on top of it, and for some, living with excess is easier than having to do something about it. In a weird way, I can almost envy those clutterbugs!
Clutter explained
According to Alan Lightman, an American physicist and writer, human brains crave order and symmetry. If that’s the case, why is it that some people can’t manage their clutter?
During an online seminar, Dr. Aino Mäkinen, a behavioural neuroscientist at the University of Helsinki, provided this explanation: “When we image the brains of chronically disorganized adults, we don’t see laziness. We see a very specific pattern – decision loop paralysis. The brain begins to process a task, becomes overwhelmed evaluating too many options at once, and shuts down. The person walks away. The mess stays. And crucially, the loop gets a little stronger each time.”
Dr. Mäkinen’s research team developed a simple decluttering method into a daily app called TodayIsTheDay. The app provides one short lesson, and one small exercise, that a chronic procrastinator can tackle every morning, until this new pattern to get organized becomes stronger than the old one of walking away from a mess.
Decluttering can be gratifying
A neighbour once told me that she would like it if her home looked like mine. I thanked her, as it was a lovely thing for her to say, and there was no further discussion about it. Days later, when I was invited inside her house for the first time, I was immediately taken aback by the stacked rubbish, and the clutter that started at the front door, and continued throughout the rest of the house, including the basement. I’d never seen anything like it.
I told her I could see why she would like to make improvements, and then she asked me if I could help her rise above the chaos. I was between jobs at the time, and it was an opportunity to repay her for the help she had given me in the past, so I agreed.
Her three children were thrilled. They had been sleeping huddled together on a blanket in the middle of the living room, and they desperately wanted to have their own bedrooms available to them again.
Getting rid of the garbage seemed like the best job to tackle first, and since mom and her kids were eager to help, it went smoothly enough. A week later, dozens of litter bags made it to the curb, and we started to sort the rest of the clutter into keep, sell, and donate piles.
At first, the sorting process was overwhelming for the mom, and she held everybody up by taking too much time making decisions about items of no obvious use. To keep the work going, I reminded her that I had only so much time to help her, and I asked the kids to decide on items for her. As she was reluctant to allow them to make any decisions without her input, she started to make faster, and more confident choices. Not surprisingly, the children weren’t emotionally attached to the baby clothing, books and toys they hadn’t seen in years, and they were happy to donate those items to the younger children in their extended family.
After weeks of persistent effort, the family’s house looked like the home of their dreams, complete with new curtains and valances on clean windows, and a kitchen with plenty of room to cook, and eat in. Each child had a bedroom with a proper bed, new linens, a desk for homework, shelving for their favourite books, and an organized closet holding only clothes they would actually wear. Mom’s bedroom became her sanctuary, and the spare bedroom was organized as her home office, a quiet space that she immediately put to good use to further her education.
That experience made me appreciate our own home even more. The best reward, though, was the look of joy and pride on the children’s faces, and I still remember their excitement about inviting friends and family over to show off their updated and tidy home.
Partner compatibility
I had my doubts about a future with my husband once I’d seen his bachelor apartment. It looked more like a locker room for sports equipment than a place he could call home, and although he had a few nice furniture items, none seemed to work well in his living space because of the visual distraction caused by all the clutter. His home didn’t match his personality, or his neat and stylish appearance, and I knew that if we ever decided to share a home, I could never live in harmony with that much junk.
Thankfully, he was receptive to some of my suggestions about a few improvements for his apartment, and eventually, he managed to appreciate and enjoy the perks that come with living clutter-free. It gave him the freedom to entertain friends without feeling embarrassed, and of course, I had a nicer place to visit with him, too. You might say I had an ulterior motive all along.
That was over 40 years ago, and today, we seem to be completely in sync when it comes to living clutter-free. Neighbours remark on how well he maintains our property, or cleans our vehicles; he’s great at helping with the housework, cleaning windows, and there are times when he even picks up after me. I may be tidier than most, but I can have the odd messy moment.
We also have a good system for his many books in the entertainment room. That came about after I spent a week sorting his hundreds of books into categories while he was away on a business trip. I had no plans of ever doing that again, and so we agreed that if he came home with new books, the same number would have to be removed or donated. It was the perfect solution to avoid crowding the bookshelves, and keep the space welcoming and cozy for watching television or reading.
I believe that compatibility in partnerships is important, and the best way to find out if lifestyles and core values align is to talk about it. In doing so, a relationship can shift from initial chemistry to long-term viability, and the absence of emotional or physical clutter in any union can only result in more time to enjoy the better things in life.
Anybody can do it
I find it sad to watch television programs showing individuals or families who struggle with extreme clutter. Decluttering gurus are gaining greater popularity these days, and there seems to be a lot of people in need of their help. But, unless an individual is seriously challenged with a mental or physical health issue, anybody can achieve home organization without going to considerable expense, and without the need for ‘expert’ assistance.
It makes sense to only hang on to the things you use, and clothing that fits. Every year, when my husband and I tackle Spring cleaning at home, we purge. If a stored item hasn’t been used over the past year, it’s time to either start using it, throw it away, or give it to someone who could find a use for it. I reason that if anything should happen to us, I wouldn’t want to encumber family with a decluttering job to get rid of items that could have easily been discarded years earlier.
Decluttering can seem to be a daunting task at first, nevertheless, once it’s been completed, the benefits of a well-organized, and clutter-free home, can be life changing.
Lise Cloutier-Steele is an Ottawa writer and the author of the 2025 Edition of There’s No Place Like Home: A guide to help caregivers manage the long-term care experience, available from www.ottawacaregiver.com.
