There is a remarkable difference in the quality of care in a nursing home and a palliative care centre. Naturally, fewer residents and specialized end-of-life care by professionals paid a higher salary are key factors.
My mother passed away at the May Court Hospice in Ottawa, where staff and volunteers took exceptional care of her for the last three days of her life; and, although she was not awake during that time, it was obvious that the people who worked there were just as compassionate and caring to those left behind.
I went to my father’s care home as early as I could for those three mornings, and I brought him to the hospice to give him all the time he needed to be with my mom before she passed. When I arrived at the hospice with my dad, probably looking worn-out, there was always someone there to offer us a cup of hot chocolate that we gladly accepted.
My experience with palliative care for my dad was just as compassionate. The day he was transferred from the hospital to the Bruyère Palliative Care Centre (Ottawa), all coordinated by the hospital’s social worker, I went there to sleep on a chair in his room for his first night.
As soon as I arrived at the centre, I asked a nurse where to find the bedding and the towels my dad would need, and she looked at me as though I had three heads. She told me I wouldn’t need to help the staff with anything at their facility, and that my job, for the duration of my father’s stay at the centre was to be his daughter. It was my turn to look at her strangely. What a concept, I thought.
My father was already in his new bed, in a private suite with lovely and clean bedding and drapery. The floors everywhere were gleaming and no foul odours could be detected on the floor. I couldn’t believe it. And there was my dad, chatting and singing with his nurse for the night. No crying in that place, and he seemed so happy and content. I hadn’t seen him like that in years.
That night, my dad’s nurse showed me how the lazy chair in his room worked, and just as I was about to fall asleep, she came back to the room to wrap me in a warm blanket. I have never forgotten that kindness.
A friend told me the average stay in palliative care is 22 days, and that’s exactly the number of days my father was at the Bruyère Centre. He was singing with his favourite nurse on his last day on earth, and before she left for home, she told him they needed to say goodbye because she said he might not be there when she came back to work. It surprised me to hear her say that, but my father remained cheerful, and he thanked her for being his friend and singing with him.
A few hours later, he was asleep, and when I started to massage his hand, he kept brushing mine off. That caught the evening nurse’s attention who told me my dad probably wanted to be alone. I went to the dining room, where she came to get me a few minutes later to say he was gone, and that I could come back to be with him for as long as I wanted. How these palliative care specialists know exactly when a person will leave this world boggles the mind.
I couldn’t help but notice the difference in the level of care and professionalism between my father’s previous facility and the palliative care centre, even though I understood that the more realistic staff-to-patient ratio had a lot to do with it.
There was also a great system in place at the Bruyère Palliative Care Centre. At the beginning of each shift, the charge nurse leaving for home would accompany the nurse who would be taking over from her to discuss the status of each resident who would be under her care throughout the evening or night shifts. The departing charge nurse would go over each resident’s medications, all of the pertinent details about the care already administered, or any that would be required, and if there was a new arrival on the floor, the charge nurse provided an even greater detailed briefing about the new resident’s specific needs.
If common sense, compassion, human contact and laughter could become part of the overall long-term care experience, as they did at the Bruyère Palliative Care Centre, I believe nursing homes might be happier and more relaxing places to live in or visit.
Lise Cloutier-Steele is an Ottawa writer and the author of the 2025 Edition of There’s No Place Like Home: A guide to help caregivers manage the long-term care experience, available from www.ottawacaregiver.com.
