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Tell us about your journey with your first pregnancy.<\/h2>\n
When I became pregnant for the first time, I experienced a range of emotions, and I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety.\u00a0 During pregnancy, there are always a range of hormonal issues.\u00a0 I was at a busy time in my career with a high stress job. [My husband and I] were house hunting.\u00a0 On top of that, my father-in-law received a terminal cancer diagnosis.\u00a0 For the first time in my life, I felt like I couldn\u2019t cope.\u00a0 I\u2019ve had tragedy and adversity throughout my life, but I knew that this was different.\u00a0 I prioritized it knowing the impact that it would have on my unborn baby.\u00a0 I was thinking about the fact that I was just starting this family with my husband.\u00a0 It was a crazy time and I think that was the start of it.\u00a0 I lost my sense of self.\u00a0 It was a fear of mine, when I became pregnant for the first time.<\/p>\n
I was raised by a single mom.\u00a0 I always valued my sense of independence and I felt a lot of that got blurred with all of the changes that were happening with my life.\u00a0 I reached out through my family doctor and I learned about Women\u2019s College Hospital\u2019s Reproductive Life Stages Program<\/a>.\u00a0 At the time, I think because I was proactive, that it helped my pregnancy.\u00a0 I was able to nip it in the bud early on.\u00a0 They gave me a lot of tools and resources to be able to address and cope with what I was going through.<\/p>\n Once I had my first son, we moved into our house, things started to settle down and I was feeling much better.<\/p>\n I was having some complications during my second pregnancy, but I wasn\u2019t fully aware of what was happening.\u00a0 It was a personal decision that my husband and I made not to have prenatal testing.\u00a0 We didn\u2019t do it with my first baby and it wasn\u2019t going to change anything with the second pregnancy.\u00a0 I had some suspicions throughout the second pregnancy though, but life got in the way.\u00a0 I felt like I was coping well, I knew more about what to expect.\u00a0 I was able to go back to work in between so I was feeling more confident.\u00a0 Even though I had suspected that something was wrong, call it mother\u2019s intuition, it wasn\u2019t until the moment that my son was born that I felt blind-sided.\u00a0 I was induced at 37-weeks and they couldn\u2019t tell me conclusively that there was anything wrong.\u00a0 At first even the nurses didn\u2019t know \u2013 Oliver didn\u2019t present.\u00a0 I had to wait three days for the bloodwork to come back, but I knew.\u00a0 I was devastated.\u00a0 It was an immediate wave of grief that just took over.<\/p>\n From the day Oliver was born, finding out that he had Down Syndrome which I knew very little about because the diagnosis wasn\u2019t confirmed before, it got harder and harder.\u00a0 Add to that all of the medical complications that we were ignorant to.\u00a0 He needed open heart surgery at 9.5 months and he had a rare form of epilepsy.\u00a0 We dealt with so much in terms of his health.\u00a0 When he was born, I was literally going from my recovery room to the NICU to check on him the whole night.\u00a0 It was terrifying and traumatic.<\/p>\n I was struggling with the long-term implications for our family, grieving the loss of what I had hoped would be a healthy child.\u00a0 In addition to that, there were all of the hospital visits and medical appointments\u2026.add to that my hormones dipping.\u00a0 When Oliver was three months, I reached out again [to the Reproductive Life Stages Program] knowing that I had benefitted from it in the past and I quickly got a referral.\u00a0 I knew that there were some risks for me having postpartum depression [although I wasn\u2019t formally diagnosed with it after my first son was born] and I needed to do something quickly.\u00a0 This time, I received a formal diagnosis of postpartum depression.\u00a0 From then on, it was just a journey back to finding myself.\u00a0 It was a slow process, almost a year. I got on medication to treat my depression and I also had counseling sessions with a social worker.\u00a0 That really brought me back to myself during the hardest year of my life.<\/p>\n One of the biggest things that I got out of that experience of feeling so lost, alone and isolated was being able to overcome that and find myself again. Honestly, looking back, I never thought I would go through another pregnancy.<\/p>\n I did and everything looks normal which is a relief. My husband and I just want to be prepared. With Oliver, it was something that I suspected, but never confirmed and I didn\u2019t want to be blindsided.\u00a0 Plus, our family is expanding, and we just need to know how to prepare for it all.<\/p>\n Through all of this, my biggest support has been my husband.\u00a0 I think in getting married and making the decision to have kids that you are in it together.\u00a0 Initially, that was because everything was related to issues that we were sharing in terms of the house-hunting and his father becoming ill.\u00a0 He really became my confidante through all of my insecurities and fears during the first pregnancy, because he was scared too. He was also my ally through all of the issues that I was facing through that first pregnancy.<\/p>\n After Oliver was born, there is a picture of us, and we both look so exhausted.\u00a0 Through the last weeks of my pregnancy, when I was going through daily ultrasounds, I would call my husband crying because I\u2019d have to go back again or they would have to induce me, and I was terrified.\u00a0 He was my support throughout that process.\u00a0 After that, he was experiencing the same fears and grief that I was as a parent with a son that was not only born with Down Syndrome but that had other scary medical complications.<\/p>\n Expanding beyond that, my immediate family, especially my mom, has always been such a strong support.\u00a0 It took some time to share the news with our broader network of friends \u2013 there was some fear and anxiety over that, but they help too.<\/p>\n I think the biggest thing for me was just having someone to talk to and knowing that I wasn\u2019t alone because I was just feeling so isolated.\u00a0 Oliver had been admitted to Sick Kids after an echocardiogram, which is routine procedure. He ended up on oxygen in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit for the better part of a week and he was in the hospital for three weeks \u2013 and this just came out of left field.\u00a0 I remember in that three-week period, I had one or two scheduled appointments, but I would walk up Hospital Row and call my counsellor saying that I needed to come to Women\u2019s College Hospital because I had a panic attack in the stairwell.\u00a0 They were always so accommodating and responsive.<\/p>\n One of the hardest things was feeling isolated and helpless before I got the help that I needed. I remember sitting in the room with my counsellor for one session.\u00a0 I had this laundry list of things to be sad about, and I had this balled up tissue that I went to throw in the trash, and it was just over-flowing with Kleenex. Then, I knew that I was one of many women sitting in that same spot, maybe with similar issues, maybe not.\u00a0 But the point was, that I wasn\u2019t alone in what I was feeling or going through.\u00a0 Somehow, it was reassuring to know that.<\/p>\n For me, personally, being home for the first 12 weeks was in some ways a blessing on those days that I wasn\u2019t feeling well.\u00a0 I did have some anxiety around the kids and the health of my family.\u00a0 It was also stressful when my husband went back to the office and with Oliver being more vulnerable.\u00a0 It is a credit to the program at Women\u2019s College Hospital – I feel like they equipped me to deal with the stress. Going forward I have the tools, have developed that skill to keep myself in check and know when I am slipping down that spiral towards depression. I know when I need to seek out professional support.<\/p>\n I did get in touch with them during this pregnancy, because I was already in the program.\u00a0 I had a couple of phone sessions and it has been more like a maintenance thing.\u00a0 Once you have experienced postpartum depression, the odds are even higher that you will experience it again.\u00a0 I\u2019m on alert and my team that knows me at Women\u2019s College Hospital is on alert for me. It\u2019s great to know that I have that support available.<\/p>\n The Virtual Run for Women is a way to rally around women\u2019s mental health. It\u2019s related to the importance of connecting and to show that as women, in whatever community that we live, no matter how we\u2019ve been impacted and in whatever stage of life we are, that mental health is an important part of overall health.<\/p>\n It\u2019s a chance to celebrate, to share stories, to connect and to promote women\u2019s health. I\u2019ve experienced first-hand the importance of that and what can happen if you are not healthy and going through mental health issues.\u00a0 It\u2019s a way to give back and it\u2019s also a way to connect with other women that have experienced other forms of mental health issues and health issues in general.<\/p>\n Start small.\u00a0 If you are able to, turn to your immediate support network like a spouse, partner or family member that you trust and can confide in.\u00a0 One of the scariest things is taking that first step in seeking help because it makes you feel even more vulnerable than you already are.\u00a0 Speaking to someone you trust can give you the confidence to take that next step.\u00a0 It may be going to see your family doctor \u2013 that was always my starting point after talking to my husband.<\/p>\n It was also knowing that you have to treat it as a health issue like you would for any other health emergency.\u00a0 Just know that there are services that can help you and you don\u2019t have to suffer alone.\u00a0 You are not alone. It is common for women to experience mental health issues, especially around the reproductive life stages, which is the program that I accessed.\u00a0 Take that first step and get that support that you need. Get those people to rally around you and help you reach out to get more support.<\/p>\n They are great!\u00a0 My older son started senior kindergarten and Oliver restarted his pre-school program and he is thriving.\u00a0 With every day, I feel more and more hopeful for his future and I see so many possibilities.\u00a0 We want our son to have every opportunity to be happy, sad and independent.\u00a0 It\u2019s about his right to determine his future, he\u2019s an individual, and I want the best for him, just like I want for his big brother. They are both so excited to welcome another sibling. It\u2019s a really exciting time for our family.<\/p>\n To learn more about women\u2019s mental health and perinatal mood disorders including postpartum depression, read our interview<\/a> with Women\u2019s College Hospital\u2019s Psychiatrist-in-Chief, Dr. Simone Vigod.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"You were under a lot of pressure \u00a0both before and after you gave birth to Oliver.\u00a0 Tell us about what you were experiencing at that time?<\/h2>\n
Did you have testing done with your current pregnancy?<\/h2>\n
People going through post-partum depression and other mental health issues need a strong support system.\u00a0 Tell us about yours.<\/h2>\n
You credit the counselling and support from the Reproductive Life Stages Program at Women\u2019s College Hospital for giving you the resources and tools you needed to come out on the other side.\u00a0 Tell us about your treatment path and what resources and tools that you found beneficial?<\/h2>\n
How has COVID-19 impacted your pregnancy?<\/h2>\n
Why are you doing the Virtual Run for Women?<\/h2>\n
What advice do you have for women who may have post-partum depression and don\u2019t know where to turn?<\/h2>\n
Finally, how are your two sons right now?<\/h2>\n