{"id":1594574,"date":"2020-04-01T14:15:09","date_gmt":"2020-04-01T18:15:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/divine.ca\/?p=1594574"},"modified":"2020-04-09T14:29:54","modified_gmt":"2020-04-09T18:29:54","slug":"divine-interviews-aleksandra-kassem-nikita-stanley-from-the-rebel-mama","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/divine.ca\/en\/divine-interviews-aleksandra-kassem-nikita-stanley-from-the-rebel-mama\/","title":{"rendered":"DIVINE Interviews: Aleksandra Jassem & Nikita Stanley from The Rebel Mama"},"content":{"rendered":"

If you are a mom-to-be or a new mom and you aren\u2019t connecting with the parenting advice books out there, Aleksandra Jassem and Nikita Stanley have got you covered!\u00a0 The Rebel Mama\u2019s Handbook for (Cool) Moms<\/a>, available online now, is not just laugh out loud funny, it has solid advice that women need.\u00a0 The information isn\u2019t an encyclopedia of boredom.\u00a0 It is advice your best girlfriend would give you as long as a Pinterest Mom wasn\u2019t in the room.\u00a0 With everything from advice on the birthing process, to losing your postnatal virginity, to the formula debate, checklists, career advice<\/a> and even cocktail recipes, it has you covered while your child is an infant through toddler.\u00a0 It\u2019s hilarious, honest and authentic, just like the women who wrote it.<\/p>\n

\"Rebel<\/p>\n

Jassem and Stanley are best friends, and it is easy to see that.\u00a0 They complete each other\u2019s sentences in a way that only good friends do.\u00a0 They were acquaintances who got pregnant within 6-weeks of each other and that solidified their friendship.\u00a0 Jassem is mom to a 6-year-old and Stanley has a 6 and 4-year-old.\u00a0 They collaborate on The Rebel Mama\u2019s website which started because there was no content out there that spoke their language.\u00a0 They admit to walking that fine line between keeping their content honest and raw and creating the quality advice that moms are looking for.\u00a0 We had a chance to speak to them recently about their book and their own experiences as Rebel Mamas.<\/p>\n

Writing a book is typically a solitary experience.\u00a0\u00a0 Take us through the process of writing the book together.\u00a0 How did you know when to collaborate and when to divide and conquer?<\/strong><\/h4>\n

NS: <\/strong>We wrote the book together, but we are also used to collaborating on writing and creating content for our website, TheRebelMama.com.\u00a0 We were lucky enough to build out the skeleton of the book using existing content from the site. That content was then reworked, because writing for the internet and writing for a book requires different language.\u00a0 Some posts Aleks had written and some I had written, so we sat down with our lists.\u00a0 We were responsible for rewriting and editing our own respective works.\u00a0 We sat down with everything and made a master list of anything that we thought was missing and divvied those up.<\/p>\n

AJ: <\/strong>I think what makes it different than a typical parenting guide or book is that when we pulled that content from our website, we were writing about the ideas as they were happening.\u00a0 The feeling is different than when writing in hindsight or versus guides that talk about what to do when your child is two, but they are now a fifteen-year old.\u00a0 You forget all these little details.\u00a0 I think that comes off of the pages too.<\/p>\n

The Rebel Mama\u2019s Handbook for (Cool) Moms feels like it\u2019s written in one voice. How were you able to achieve that flow?<\/strong><\/h4>\n

AJ: <\/strong>Editing \u2013 lots of editing.<\/p>\n

NS: <\/strong>We both wrote our respective first drafts separately, but then, everything that is written gets funneled through me for a final edit to get everything into a consistent voice.<\/p>\n

AJ:<\/strong> Nikita, I would say that you are the editor-in-chief because you actually studied writing.\u00a0 She is a classically trained writer.<\/p>\n

NS:<\/strong> Typically, for online purposes, I do all of the writing and Aleks does all of the visuals.\u00a0 Sometimes, if she is inspired, she\u2019ll write something, but it always passes through me before it goes out to make sure that it is all in a consistent, cohesive voice.\u00a0 For the book, we outsourced a second edit to our book editor who is also the author of the \u201cMom\u2019s Night Out\u201d chapter.<\/p>\n

AJ:<\/strong> We loved that!\u00a0 Sometimes when we have to do book readings, that is the number one thing that people ask us to read and we love reading it out loud.<\/p>\n

It was such a visual scene \u2013 I can see it being adapted for a movie.<\/strong><\/h4>\n

NS:\u00a0 <\/strong>From your mouth to God\u2019s ears sister!<\/p>\n

AJ:<\/strong> There are so many funny things in there.\u00a0 It is such a different understanding of motherhood.\u00a0 If you are a new mom, and you don\u2019t know what to expect, you can get a real feel for it, instead of something that sounds like an encyclopedia.<\/p>\n

\"Rebel
Photo by Ariane Laezza<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

What is the difference between a traditional mother and a Rebel Mama?<\/strong><\/p>\n

AJ:<\/strong> [Laughs] We\u2019re rebellious by nature.\u00a0 The traditional mom is focused on the great sacrifices that she makes in putting aside her own identity and her own self-interest for her family. We are trying to push the opposite angle.<\/p>\n

NS:<\/strong> Traditional motherhood tends to be characterized by martyrdom.\u00a0 Rebel Mamas just don\u2019t subscribe to that at all because they understand that their happiness matters.\u00a0 In fact, their happiness is imperative to the whole family.<\/p>\n

AJ:<\/strong> Yeah, if you\u2019re a happy mom, your family is going to be better for it.<\/p>\n

NS:<\/strong> The just grin and bear it mentality was kind of old school, which is fine, but it\u2019s time for that to go.<\/p>\n

Nikita has said, \u201cOur goal is to always present this idea that there is more than one formula for a healthy family, and there\u2019s more than one kind of woman who can be a good mom.\u201d What makes for a good mom?<\/strong><\/h4>\n

AJ:\u00a0 <\/strong>If you truly love your child, it doesn\u2019t matter how you do it, you are a good mom.\u00a0 You aren\u2019t going to be perfect, but it\u2019s the love and the care that makes you a good mother.<\/p>\n

NS:<\/strong> It\u2019s the love, care and effort.\u00a0 There has to be a certain level of trust in yourself and your own instincts to be a good mom.\u00a0 It tends to get lost\u2026<\/p>\n

AJ:<\/strong> We focus on specific points like you can\u2019t be a good mom because you aren\u2019t making pancakes the way they showed you on Pinterest.\u00a0 That doesn\u2019t make you a good mom.\u00a0 A good mom listens to their child or spends time with them.<\/p>\n

NS:<\/strong> I also think that if you can teach your kid by example, which is how children learn, they don\u2019t learn just by what you say to them.\u00a0 If you can teach them how to love themselves and how to treat others and how to be an advocate for themselves in tricky situations, I think you have done your job.<\/p>\n

You apologize at the top of the book for what you said when you were childless.\u00a0 What would you say to your own moms now that you have been walking in their shoes?<\/strong><\/h4>\n

AJ: <\/strong>I\u2019m sorry.<\/p>\n

NS:<\/strong> Thank you.\u00a0 I would say it very humbly and quietly.<\/p>\n

AJ:<\/strong>\u00a0 I remember actually calling my mom when Oscar was a baby, and you really just have a different understanding of what your own mother must have gone through when you go through it yourself.\u00a0 You really feel that need to either say thank you or I\u2019m sorry because you just really don\u2019t understand before that.<\/p>\n

NS:<\/strong> You wrongfully judge your parents too.\u00a0 You don\u2019t understand the breadth of circumstances that they were dealing with when you were little.\u00a0 Then, you have small children and you are like \u201cOh my f*$king God, this is so hard.\u00a0 There is definitely a lot of respect for our parents.<\/p>\n

AJ:<\/strong> A lot of tails between our legs.<\/p>\n

\"Rebel
Photo by: Ariane Laezza<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

The book had many laugh out loud sections. Two of the funniest were when you compared a toddler to a drunk college roommate and Mom\u2019s Night Out.\u00a0 How did you get through those moments?<\/strong><\/h4>\n

NS: <\/strong>You literally just have to laugh.<\/p>\n

AJ:<\/strong>\u00a0 You almost start to see humour in everything.\u00a0 It is hard, tiring and it\u2019s so challenging.\u00a0 Sometimes, it\u2019s funny how ridiculous it all is.<\/p>\n

NS:<\/strong> I think that\u2019s why we put so much humour in the book too.\u00a0 It\u2019s just a reminder that you can fall into the trap of taking this very seriously and drowning in a sea of your own tears at the end of the day.\u00a0 You cannot take it so seriously; you just have to survive.<\/p>\n

AJ:<\/strong> The books that were available to us when we became pregnant were too serious.\u00a0 It shouldn\u2019t sound like accounting when your starting a new chapter in your life.<\/p>\n

There was a particularly poignant part of the book where you give mom\u2019s permission to say sometimes having a baby sucks.\u00a0 Why do mothers have such a hard time admitting this?<\/strong><\/h4>\n

NS: <\/strong>Saying things like that out loud, depending on who you say it to, has a chance of being met with some combination of shame and guilt.\u00a0 It\u2019s also something that moms are scared to confront, especially when they are so tired and feeling so lost.\u00a0 If they articulate that they are met with, \u201cYou should just be appreciative of every moment that you have\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

AJ: \u00a0<\/strong>I think it\u2019s important that you have a support system and are around people you feel comfortable saying the truth to.\u00a0 We were very lucky we have that.\u00a0 One friend in particular literally said, \u201cGood luck.\u201d\u00a0 She laid it out and I appreciated it so much because when you don\u2019t know what you are getting into, everyone says, \u201cDon\u2019t worry, it\u2019s amazing, it\u2019s a miracle\u201d.\u00a0 Then, you get there and it\u2019s not and you feel like a terrible person, when in fact everyone feels that way.<\/p>\n

NS:<\/strong> And admitting difficulty and that what you are doing is hard, is the first step to getting help and support that moms are so direly lacking.\u00a0 We need to be comfortable with not sugar-coating the reality of parenthood if we want to get any kind of help.<\/p>\n

AJ:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s nice to see things getting there now.\u00a0 We landed on the scene in 2014, and it\u2019s becoming more open, honest, raw and authentic out there.<\/p>\n

NS:<\/strong> We like to think that we had a small hand in that change.<\/p>\n

Last, but not least, if moms can only remember one thing from your handbook, what would you like that to be?<\/strong><\/h4>\n

AJ:\u00a0 <\/strong>I would like them to leave with the sense that everything is going to be OK and that if they don\u2019t have a support group in real-life, we hope that this book can be that.<\/p>\n

NS:<\/strong>\u00a0 We want moms to give themselves a break.\u00a0 Motherhood is really hard and we are able to show that in the book without making it too terrifying.\u00a0 The reality is that we are all winging it.\u00a0 There is no instruction manual.\u00a0 Everyone is doing their best and it\u2019s OK.\u00a0 Your best is great and if you make sure that you are happy and your kids will be happy.\u00a0 Take other people\u2019s advice with a grain of salt and trust your gut.<\/p>\n

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 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If you are a mom-to-be or a new mom and you aren\u2019t connecting with the parenting advice books out there, Aleksandra Jassem and Nikita Stanley have got you covered!\u00a0 The…<\/div>\n
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